Mabon

 After 19 weeks I'm back. It is not easy at all, mostly because a few hours after my last post post my life has changed forever. I got the most dreaded phone call from Italy telling me my mother had suddently and tragically passed away. We left in a rush on the first plane available to find out once in Italy that she has been sick with an unknown illness for months and she basically refused to fully investigate her condition, but she commanded everybody to let me out from all this. This has been so heart breaking for me, to be kept at distance. To add some more pain, while emptiying her apartement I found old love letters and finally I have been told by some family friends that those were my father's old letters to my mother. She told me he was dead before I was born. But he was alive and much interested in my life until I was around 20 ... I feel like my mind has been shaken in a blender and my soul has been drained to the last drop. I feel a sort of 'silence' in me, like if something is switched off and I can't find the way to get my inner self started again.
Anyways after her death we have traveled Europe for two more months trying to get back to some kind of 'normality' again, but it is not easy.
Now, beside my own family, husband and children, I'm alone. I've been lied for all my life by all those who saw me growing up. I've been kept at distance by my own mother, not worth of her last goodbye. I need to find out now, who I want to be from now on.
We came back in the north one week ago, just in time for Mabon season. I'm trying to find comfort in the nature, but even the outdoors can't really heal my soul. I hope this dark season will help letting me go of the grief, and blame and sadness to shine again when to solstice will come.

Beltane, Vappu, Walpurgis Night : six weeks

Today is a rather special day as most part of europe are celebrating 'something'. It is kinda sad in my opinion, how much the ancient traditions have been litterally wiped away and most of us are totally unaware of what we're actually doing or celebrating, but hopefully this is the time of a paradigm shift and the ancient knowledge will be known again without fears or prejudices, giving us the chance to track a new path made of connection and not of distruction. Today is Beltane, an ancient Celtic festival which marked the beginning of the 'light half of the year', when the darkness of winter months is now just a memory, the Pleiades descend to the lowest point in the sky where they're no longer visible and the earth and animals are ready for re-birth, for a new cycle to start, half way between the Equinox and the Solstice. It has ever be so true here like this year, as on the 29th of april we have been hit by a snow storm, yesterday it has been cold and rainy all day just to have a sunset on fire ( a true bonfire set up in the sky by the Highiest Powers ) and today it's warm and the sun is shining. Metaphorical and metaphysical I'd say. Here in Finland today it is called Vappu, and the name brings  back to the Walpurgis Night of german tradition, where the night between the 30th of april and the first of may was considered the ''Witches Night''. So it is indeed a special day. And it's the day in which I keep track of Father Sun and the gift of light.

Sunrise has been at 5:14

Sunset will be at 21:16

Lenght of the day 16h 1min

( + 3h 45min of daylight in six weeks, + 31 min since last monday )

 

Here you can check on the Equinox and Here last week.

And now a couple of pictures from yesterday's evening sky's bonfire ...

April Snowstorm

I have been quite sick all the week long (hence the total silence here), now it seems I'm getting back to my normal self even if I'm still a bit under the weather. Also my feelings have been quite upset lately so it's no wonder that my body reacted with an illness. I'm trying to figure a way out from this, and of course I look solace, inspiration and peace of mind in our Mother Earth, watching the Highiest Spirit express their power through her. Yesterday it has been amazing, I really felt like bowing to the nature as we have been hit by a snow storm that lasted several hours. As usually I should have understood that something was coming from the odd behaviour of the wild birds dwelling in my yard and sharing their daily living with me, but as often happens to us humans, I was too blind to see the obvious. Looking outside it is hardly possible to think we're about to celebrate Beltane.

The Morrigan

Yesterday morning three of my crows friends were lined on my porch. I think of them as The Three Morrigna from the Norse mythology. Even if they might have seen as signs of doom, I'm very fond of them and I'm sure they're here to lead me in a path of wisdom and rebirth. 

Of course I love Omnia song Morrigan ...

... Over hills and over meadows
see the crow fly, feel her shadow
Over woods and over mountains
searching for a war
Her wings embrace each strife and battle
where swords they clash and chariots rattle
seeking out the one whose time
has come to take the blade
Morrigan ancient crone of war
I see your face, I'll cry no more
Morrigan ancient crone of war
come lift me on your wings
Morrigan ancient crone of war
I hear your voice, I'll breathe no more
Morrigan ancient crone of war
come set my spirit free....

Rebirth

What's Easter if not the chance for a rebirth. Set new purposes, set a new life ahead. The nature rises from the rotten leaves and mud to flowers and fruits. The Christ showed us the possibility for all of us, belonging to sacred realm of the nature, to do the same. So either if you celebrate Easter as A Christian, or this period of the year in any other way, my best wishes for the new path unfolding in front of you.